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A year ago today I was finishing up my sophomore year, rather miserable and unhappy with a relationship I really felt like terminating, though felt the need to stick with due to personal issues and a perceived need to give support to people I felt to be a part of my family. I was living in pearland for the summer and not missing my parents and sister because they were right there whenever I needed them. I almost feel like I took everyone for granted. Now, I am living in austin with no plans of moving any time soon, looking for a permanent residence and am in a relationship that has never made me unhappy in the entire four and a half months of its duration. I don't know why I am making this entry, I guess I just thought- Its funny how things can change so drastically in the span of a year. I really miss home too, so that probably has something to do with it. I really wish I could have planned to spend the summer at home. I am living with Ben right now, until I find a more viable living option, but something just doesn't feel right. I don't know. I just feel like I always rely so much on other people, particularly those who I am in a relationship with. Like with jason. I just mostly don't want anything that I have with Ben to remotely resemble anything that I had with Jason. I don't think there is anything to worry about though. and I am rambling, so I am going to go.

one for the freudians....

This is going to come off as very random for those of you who don't know me very well and therefore don't know of my very speacial verdie-patented brand of penis envy but...

Last night I dreamt I had a penis. I was me and all female outside and everything but I was me with a penis. I was with Katie at a party and then we had to pee so we went to the bathroom and she went and all was well and good and then I went to go and the toilet water was all grey and bubbly and yuck tastic looking. So I had to piss and took out what was definately a penis but it was all infected looking and blood started oozing out of it. then I went to pee in the toilet of gray cauldron water and a steady stream of blood continued to pour out of me...

then I woke up.

What does this mean?

I got a new job!!!

I'm going to be working at a law firm doing breifing for worker's comp cases. This is exciting.

that is all.
Its been a while since my last update. So yes, I went to panic at the disco with shirley this weekend. It was awesome. Phantom Planet and The Hush Sound are awesome. And Panic was wonderful, as expected. I started like crying when they sang northern downpour, which was not surprising. That song. *gah*

My Chemical Romance on Monday! I have got so much school shit to get done with in the next few weeks and then summer! yay! god this semester went by so fast. It's crazy.

I will try to update more often. I have to shower now and then finish up some stuff for English. But I will try for a more substantial update later.
I have been having a crappy time lately. My
dentist is trying to sue me and I don't have any money because my job is crappy and I am so run down i feel like giving up. But last night I went to the movies with ben and that helped
me feel better today ihave work and hopefully I don't get sick again because I really news money now chem is starting so I have to go

la fin du reste au printempts

So tonight was pretty cool. I went to sxsw around nine with Ben and Ross, before heading up there we went to double daves and had pizza (yay pizza) Earlier in the day Ben took me to my psych appt, then we went back to his house and he cleaned his pond while I read for school then we went swimming and it was fun times. Had to deal with teddy tonight though and I was pretty bitchy with him bc I want him to get the point that I do not enjoy his constantly hitting on me. And then he accused me of PMSing which is like my biggest pet peeve. It was funny though because when they carded us at texas rockfest and gave me a drinking wristband but not him he was really pissed. but ben was like dude, she has tits and she's hot. deal with it. he sulked all night. and then we had really intellectual conversations and teddy kept trying to chime in but we always cantradicted him and/or proved him wrong. we didn't even invite him to come out with us. he just found us and kept following us around. we tried in vain for ages to lose him. no luck. I have work tomorrow from 12-8 and then ben is going with me to see the cab and the hush sound. the cab starts and nine and the hush sound at ten so hopefully we make it there. probably will it is not a horrible walk from 6th and congress to 6th and red river.

more later, I'm off to sleeps.
So I have been feeling a little depressed again lately. Ben is out with skippy tonight and I am watching Annie Hall. I have been a little morose the past couple of days. Work is going well, school is going well, my relationship with ben is going uncommonly well but i don't know. something doesn't feel right. ugh. I hate feeling like this.
I got a 90 on my chem midterm!!! I didn't even study that much, I seriously thought I was going to fail epically. but yes, I got off work a bit early, now I just need to finish this paper and that is the only thing left on my agenda. Concentration, as always, is an issue so I might move to the library in a bit to see if things go smoother there. Hopefully the paper goes over well. Its the first paper of the semester, so that one always has to make the biggest impact/best impression. So yes. This has to be good, that is a requirement.
So yes, Today was yucky. I'm doing laundry right now and the sun finally came out. I like the rain and I usually like walking in the rain, but today it was so fucking windy and I had to wait at the bus stop and then walk to work and my umbrella broke and that sucked. Now I am off work and here is what I still have to do

1: finish Laundry
2: get prescription refilled
3: Study Chem/finish Chem Homework
4: Work on paper for at least two hours
5: read for History
6: work some on poetry revisions/read poetry by people in my class

doesn't sound like much, but I am being ADD again. Ben's attention deficit is rubbing off on me. So yeah, not good. But I am almost done with my paper, so it should difinately be finished by friday at five, which is when it is due. So yeah, eventfullness will surely ensue later. I think I will either go to the library or metro to work on my paper. For some reason I can't concentrate in my room. Its not that there are distracting things in here its just that it makes me claustrophobic. I really can't wait to have a bigger space.

So yes, time to go move my clothes to the dryer.
so I do not want to be here today and I don't want to go to work I just want to work only
all day long because that is what I need to do. I know it will be fine in the end but it is the first paper of the semester and those always make me nervous. I just need to relax and write.

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May 2008



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