It seemed that moment would last forever.

everything has changed, but nothing really has

2008-05-13T00:37:35Z

A year ago today I was finishing up my sophomore year, rather miserable and unhappy with a relationship I really felt like terminating, though felt the need to stick with due to personal issues and a perceived need to give support to people I felt to be a part of my family. I was living in pearland for the summer and not missing my parents and sister because they were right there whenever I needed them. I almost feel like I took everyone for granted. Now, I am living in austin with no plans of moving any time soon, looking for a permanent residence and am in a relationship that has never made me unhappy in the entire four and a half months of its duration. I don't know why I am making this entry, I guess I just thought- Its funny how things can change so drastically in the span of a year. I really miss home too, so that probably has something to do with it. I really wish I could have planned to spend the summer at home. I am living with Ben right now, until I find a more viable living option, but something just doesn't feel right. I don't know. I just feel like I always rely so much on other people, particularly those who I am in a relationship with. Like with jason. I just mostly don't want anything that I have with Ben to remotely resemble anything that I had with Jason. I don't think there is anything to worry about though. and I am rambling, so I am going to go.

one for the freudians....

2008-05-09T03:22:44Z

This is going to come off as very random for those of you who don't know me very well and therefore don't know of my very speacial verdie-patented brand of penis envy but...

Last night I dreamt I had a penis. I was me and all female outside and everything but I was me with a penis. I was with Katie at a party and then we had to pee so we went to the bathroom and she went and all was well and good and then I went to go and the toilet water was all grey and bubbly and yuck tastic looking. So I had to piss and took out what was definately a penis but it was all infected looking and blood started oozing out of it. then I went to pee in the toilet of gray cauldron water and a steady stream of blood continued to pour out of me...

then I woke up.

What does this mean?

there's a million other girls who do it just like you

2008-05-08T02:58:27Z

sooooo

I got a new job!!!

I'm going to be working at a law firm doing breifing for worker's comp cases. This is exciting.

that is all.

So you can make me come, that doesn't make you jesus.

2008-04-23T21:52:28Z

Its been a while since my last update. So yes, I went to panic at the disco with shirley this weekend. It was awesome. Phantom Planet and The Hush Sound are awesome. And Panic was wonderful, as expected. I started like crying when they sang northern downpour, which was not surprising. That song. *gah*

My Chemical Romance on Monday! I have got so much school shit to get done with in the next few weeks and then summer! yay! god this semester went by so fast. It's crazy.

I will try to update more often. I have to shower now and then finish up some stuff for English. But I will try for a more substantial update later.

alovysa @ 2008-04-01T18:49:00

2008-04-02T12:54:47Z

I have been having a crappy time lately. My
dentist is trying to sue me and I don't have any money because my job is crappy and I am so run down i feel like giving up. But last night I went to the movies with ben and that helped
me feel better today ihave work and hopefully I don't get sick again because I really news money now chem is starting so I have to go

la fin du reste au printempts

2008-03-15T09:33:20Z

So tonight was pretty cool. I went to sxsw around nine with Ben and Ross, before heading up there we went to double daves and had pizza (yay pizza) Earlier in the day Ben took me to my psych appt, then we went back to his house and he cleaned his pond while I read for school then we went swimming and it was fun times. Had to deal with teddy tonight though and I was pretty bitchy with him bc I want him to get the point that I do not enjoy his constantly hitting on me. And then he accused me of PMSing which is like my biggest pet peeve. It was funny though because when they carded us at texas rockfest and gave me a drinking wristband but not him he was really pissed. but ben was like dude, she has tits and she's hot. deal with it. he sulked all night. and then we had really intellectual conversations and teddy kept trying to chime in but we always cantradicted him and/or proved him wrong. we didn't even invite him to come out with us. he just found us and kept following us around. we tried in vain for ages to lose him. no luck. I have work tomorrow from 12-8 and then ben is going with me to see the cab and the hush sound. the cab starts and nine and the hush sound at ten so hopefully we make it there. probably will it is not a horrible walk from 6th and congress to 6th and red river.

more later, I'm off to sleeps.

I would never want to belong to any club that would have some one like me as a member

2008-03-11T04:52:21Z

So I have been feeling a little depressed again lately. Ben is out with skippy tonight and I am watching Annie Hall. I have been a little morose the past couple of days. Work is going well, school is going well, my relationship with ben is going uncommonly well but i don't know. something doesn't feel right. ugh. I hate feeling like this.

They say they're better than you and you agree

2008-03-05T21:52:12Z

I got a 90 on my chem midterm!!! I didn't even study that much, I seriously thought I was going to fail epically. but yes, I got off work a bit early, now I just need to finish this paper and that is the only thing left on my agenda. Concentration, as always, is an issue so I might move to the library in a bit to see if things go smoother there. Hopefully the paper goes over well. Its the first paper of the semester, so that one always has to make the biggest impact/best impression. So yes. This has to be good, that is a requirement.

Right now I want to kill you like only a best friend should

2008-03-03T21:25:45Z

So yes, Today was yucky. I'm doing laundry right now and the sun finally came out. I like the rain and I usually like walking in the rain, but today it was so fucking windy and I had to wait at the bus stop and then walk to work and my umbrella broke and that sucked. Now I am off work and here is what I still have to do

1: finish Laundry
2: get prescription refilled
3: Study Chem/finish Chem Homework
4: Work on paper for at least two hours
5: read for History
6: work some on poetry revisions/read poetry by people in my class

doesn't sound like much, but I am being ADD again. Ben's attention deficit is rubbing off on me. So yeah, not good. But I am almost done with my paper, so it should difinately be finished by friday at five, which is when it is due. So yeah, eventfullness will surely ensue later. I think I will either go to the library or metro to work on my paper. For some reason I can't concentrate in my room. Its not that there are distracting things in here its just that it makes me claustrophobic. I really can't wait to have a bigger space.

So yes, time to go move my clothes to the dryer.

who shot that arrow in your throaght who missed the crimson apple

2008-03-03T13:50:36Z

so I do not want to be here today and I don't want to go to work I just want to work only
paper
all day long because that is what I need to do. I know it will be fine in the end but it is the first paper of the semester and those always make me nervous. I just need to relax and write.

the way she paints the world, i want that in my life

2008-02-28T19:20:52Z

So today has been good so far. I slept late. woke up at like 9:22 and booked it to class. Threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and sat through class in my sports bra. it was nice. We got a test scores back today. I got an A and actually didn't get counted tardy because cute irish TA likes me. today he was wearing the cutest nerdy tee. It said hate the player and had a picture of NES on it. then we started talking after class about the joys of oldschool NES and SNES. So wonderous.

Then after class I called Michelle about the Pita Pit job I've been trying to get and I have training tomorrow at nine after my class. So yay.

got all of my work done and now I am about to head off for three hours of english classes. Need to confirm my paper topic with Makay, which should be fine cuz I can already feel my paper kicking ass and it is only three pages in. I like having good days.

boy you best pray that i bleed real soon

2008-02-27T06:35:01Z

So, pipes plus tonight. Awesome. I got to see Ben! He is all injured and only partially functional and was only around for about an hour but it was still yay worthy. When Ben left Teddy got all handsy with me, which was slightly annoying. But skippy and Madeline are awesome and I got to hang out with them because they kept "stealing" me from Teddy, though I prefer the term rescuing. The band was good though. I stayed out way too late though and now I must study. fun times.

my private eyes are watching you

2008-02-25T03:56:59Z

they see your every move.

I'm so hardcore. you know you wish you were as hardcore as I am.

Ben's arm is making me sad. He owes me a back massage and if he keeps rehurting the same injury the debt will never be repaid. This is a travesty.

I hung out with Ross last night and got all contemplative and introspective. I also watched lock, stock and two smoking barrels, which was very good.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. Too much excitement for one weekend.

the epicness of this epic fail is epic

2008-02-24T02:08:06Z

that sentence? pretty much sums up how I feel right now.

they say that kid has got more soul than fight club

2008-02-22T13:55:22Z

yup. Seeing cobra starship tonight. Very exciting. I have been hanging out with shirley and skipping class and I should probably work on shit today before going out to lunch with concert people. But yes. Also, I don't think I can do the topic I originally wanted to write my paper on bc my mom and sister couldn't find my old testament. For all I know I decided to use it as a doorstop one day and it is gone forever w/e. Gay class time.

Mid terms suck

2008-02-20T13:53:57Z

and I'm mentally exhausted but must begin work on a paper and studying for yet another abysmal exam. Sometimes I wish I weren't a good student. But then I remember that I have to do all this so that I can sit around and read for a living damn you delayed gratification principal.

awesome

2008-01-31T19:45:07Z

ok so I just got out of my. Meeting with Christian it went awesomely and I am probably going to go to law school

i'm gonna rock your body till canada-day

2008-01-09T19:57:11Z

update by number guys...

1. Ben is rapidly becoming my favorite person ever.
2. Blackadder. So wonderful. Brits, How come you kept this secret from me for so long???
3. Studio 60 is love. much love.
4. I am painting a watercolor series to the Ariel Poems by Sylvia Plath. Its fun but messy. I'm getting watercolors everywhere, guys.

I think there were other things I wanted to say but now i can't think. bah. who gives.

ttyl. oh yeah, I was without the net for a few days and can't be bothered to go through my friends list. if anything major happened, comment here.

oooh Shirley bought the Cobra tickets! muey excitiantay.

Oh life, I pwn you so hard

2008-01-06T09:53:20Z

So yes. things keep trying to kill me. I have a big gash on my leg from fuck if I know what. I tripped trying to crawl into bed in the dark. Wtf. And now. I cannot sleep. woot. I've decided to stay in the den all night because obviously my bedroom is trying to murder me. Like the hotel room in 1408, it is evil.

Dear Patrick Stump and NBC

2008-01-03T04:32:20Z

That was not worth an hour of my time.

kthnxbi

drink, drink, drink, I drink some more

2007-12-30T20:31:16Z

There needs to be a veronica mars video to somebody put something in my drink by the ramones. y/y?

ooh. 2008 hasn't even started yet and I am already predicting suckage.

love my life guys. much much love

/sarcasm

I can't remember the last time I made three posts in one day...

2007-12-30T02:53:20Z

Oh well. more spammmies

1. What did you do this year that you'd never done before?
went to England!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Umm I didn't make any but this year I am resolving to be happier. However one does that...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully

5. What countries did you visit?
England!

6. What would you like to have next year that you lacked this year?
A social life comprised of more than one person and his every whim.

7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
hmmm. November 23. Events leading to the break up abound.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting a 4.0 in spite of it all

9. What was your biggest failure?
hahaha. ummm. I don't know. It depends on the meaning and context of failure. Physics was pretty sucky and I did fail a few of the exams before I dropped the class.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
both I guess.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Skinny jeans. But they probably won't fit anymore after break lol.

12. Whose behaviour (sic.) merited celebration?
Dunno. umm. Marcus? Yay loyalty!

13. Whose behaviour (sic.) made you appalled and depressed?
Jason. Fucker.

14. Where did most of your money go?
School.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Breakout!

16. What song will always remind you of this year?
Okay I believe you, but my tommygun don't- Brand New

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder?
sadder

ii. thinner or fatter?
thinner

iii. richer or poorer?
poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
relaxing

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
crying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it at the hospital with my mom and then at my house with my sister and chatting online with some friends.

21. Did you fall in love this year?
No, but I fell out of love.

22. How many one-night stands?
two. *blushes and hides* does it count as an ONS if you know the person really well and continue to associate with the person after just not in a romantic way?

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes and Ugly Betty

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes.

25. What was the best book you read?
The Waves by Virginia Woolf

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Rilo Kiley. Most definately.

27. What did you want and get?
friends, independence

28. What did you want and not get?
a car lol.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Poultrygeist. jk. ummm. 1408 probably.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 20 and didn't really do anything.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
ending on good terms with jason.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year?
comfortable and anything I feel like wearing.

33. What kept you sane?
haha nothing? This year has been a roller coaster. I still don't feel sane.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kristen Bell

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Abortion/women's rights

36. Who did you miss?
I don't really know.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Ben

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year.
Pay attention to my own needs before those of others.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me
And now you want to ask me how
Its like how does your heart beat and why do you breathe

Why did you come here?
You weren't invited
You were on the outside
Stay on the outside
And now you want to ask me why...

Day with the 'rents/planning for the future

2007-12-29T22:33:45Z

So. There is this John Wayne movie on. And John Wayne is spanking some red head chick. I never knew John Wayne movies got so kinky. I should watch them more often... : P

My dad bought me menthols. Something my mom is bitching about. I told her I wouldn't smoke them around her so she need not worry. It amuses me that she does not mind me smoking, as long as I don't smoke menthols.

My dad thinks that if I move to Austin I will become a drop out and never "achieve my goals" he also thinks that Austin is "ruining my reputation." these things amuse me too. I have no Idea why. Three months more in Austin than usual does not mean that I will lose my good grades nor does it mean that I will never come to Houston again. It is two hours away. And I love my family too much to never see them ever. Plus, I would go crazy without random shopping/lunch/band/concert/freakout sessions with shirley sporadically.

I need a job. Suggestions for what I should do are gladly welcome. I'm going to try to find a job that I can work as much as possible and still make good grades. I am planning on starting a savings account and putting like at the very least 25-50 dollars a month in it.

yes. so. That's what I am thinking. Hopefully this year will go well. On monday while I am drinking with shirley (hahaha) I will probably make a goals post of things I want to have accomplished in 2008. so yes. fun times.

Itunes survey thingy

2007-12-29T20:22:53Z

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

1.) Are you a male or female?
Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson.
so, female singer=female who "breaks away" from gender norms? works for me.

2.) Describe yourself?
No one said it would be easy- Sheryl Crow
Nearly perfect lol. great song title for this question.

3.) How do you feel about yourself?
twentieth century fox- The Doors. heh.

4.) Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend:
Demolition lovers- My chemical romance
Actually, yeah.

6.) Describe your current location:
The Wizard and I- Wicked
yeah that one doesn't really make sense lol.

7.) Describe what you want to be:
consequence of sounds- Regina Spector
So, poet? yeah that works.

8) Describe your best friend:
My Hips Don't Lie- Shakira
That makes me laugh/smile.

9.) Your favorite color is:
What you own- Rent
Well, most of the things I own are pink and green. So yes. This works as well.

10.) You know that:
This is Halloween- Panic! At the Disco
haha do I? I thought it was the new year...

11.) What is the weather like?
Already Met You- Superfine
hmm...

12.) How do you feel about animals?
Down with the Sickness- Richard Cheese Lounge version
I don't know if this means I like them or don't.

13.) Do you talk to yourself?
Parasol- Tori Amos
Yes. I think this means I do.

14.) What is the best advice you have to give?
Steve- Rilo Kiley
Kill the guy fucking with your mom????

15.) Describe your love life:
Handcuffs- Brand New
hahaha. How very appropriate. I'd arrest you if I had handcuffs. I'd arrest you if I had time. I would throw you down in the backseat as if you'd committed a terrible crime. Yes I do believe this is appropriate. o.O

16.) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Guilty Pleasure- Cobra Starship
haha. I guess this is applicable.

17.) What do your friends think of you?
Taste in Men- Placebo
lol. Probably.
"Come back to me awhile. Change your taste in men."

18.) What is your funeral song going to be?
Don't Stand so close to me- The Police. ummmm. w/e/

guys, i'm bored.

2007-12-29T03:50:11Z

there's nothing to do. :C Boredom makes verdie sad.